Needing Him Read online

  I cried until I had nothing left in me. Radek kept his arms around me, but didn’t say anything for a few minutes. His body wasn’t stiff, which I took as a good sign, although him not speaking worried me. We had to pack and fly home.

  I sniffled a few times and pulled away from him. I stood and grabbed my suitcase. He watched me and stood to do the same. We didn’t talk at all. I was shaking as I packed my clothes.

  We said goodbye to my dad and Karen, wishing them safe travels for their honeymoon and climbed into the waiting SUV. I kept my eyes focused on the passing landscape on the way to the airport. About halfway there I felt Radek’s warm hand wrap around mine and squeeze it gently. I looked over into his eyes and could see his concern. My bottom lip started to tremble and I forcibly held back more tears.

  My pilot, my love, the man who I had now let into every part of me, unbuckled his seatbelt and slid over next to me. He pulled me into his body and rubbed my back. I didn’t know if that meant we were okay and was too afraid to ask. If he told me we weren’t I would completely fall apart.

  We arrived at the airport and met Natalie, the flight attendant, and Rob, my co-pilot, at the bottom of the stairs to my jet. Natalie had worn her red hair in a ponytail, as she usually did, and was all smiles when we got near. Rob seemed to sense something was off with me. I saw his brows furrow over his hazel eyes, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he raked a hand through his short, wavy brown hair.

  Radek held my hand as we approached, but released it so we could climb the stairs. He placed a quick kiss on my lips before turning to go to the cockpit. While the kiss might have been an indication that things were all right between us, I knew better. To me, that kiss was more of a reassurance to let me know he was still there and to carry me through the flight home so I wouldn’t worry. I knew he loved me, but after what I said, I didn’t know what he was thinking. We needed to talk when we got home, that much I was sure of.

  The flight took off and landed without incident. It was smooth as usual. I sat most of the flight with my earbuds in, listening to music, but not really hearing it. My mind kept drifting to what happened six years ago even if I didn’t want it to.

  When the plane was safely stopped I started gathering my belongings. I was sad and knew if I kept on that train of thought the sadness would turn into depression. Not wanting that, I decided that I needed to hold my head high and stop dwelling on the past. There was nothing I could do to change it. I wasn’t going to let depression suck me under again.

  Radek emerged from the cockpit, thanked Natalie, shook hands with Rob, and came to stand by my side. I noticed Rob come to stand beside me as well. He was taller than me and had wide shoulders. He appeared more football player rather than pilot to me. Radek actually took a step back and said he would meet me at the bottom of the steps. I was surprised. Normally the jealous side of him went into action when Rob was around.

  “Kasi, are you all right?” The concern in Rob’s voice and on his face almost made me crumble again. No, not going to happen.

  I wasn’t able to plaster on a fake smile though. “No, I’m not, but I hope I will be. There is a lot going on that I need to deal with.” I placed my hand on his arm and said, “I’ll be okay, eventually. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  He turned his head to look out of the plane’s window and I followed suit. I could see my pilot standing on the tarmac, looking off into the distance. “Did he do something to hurt you?”

  “No, not at all. It’s just something we need to work through. I’m sorry I can’t go into more detail, but this is between Radek and I.”

  “I’m here for you. For anything you need.”

  “I know, Rob. You have no idea how much I appreciate you saying that right now.” He nodded, kissed the top of my head, and grabbed Natalie’s hand to exit the jet after I thanked them and said my goodbyes. They had met on one of my flights and became an item.

  Walking down the steps, Radek turned to face me. He seemed upset, but not angry. As soon as my feet hit the pavement I stopped. I didn’t know what he was thinking and wasn’t sure how to proceed. Did I ask him to come back to my house with me so we could talk? He was the one that drove us to the small private airport that was an hour from my home. Originally, we had planned on stopping by his apartment quick when we got back so he could gather more clothes and then he was going to stay with me for a few days. That had always been our normal routine. He rarely slept at his apartment. If he wasn’t going to come back home with me I needed to call a cab or a car service to pick me up.

  He took a few steps forward until he was standing directly in front of me. My eyes dropped to the ground, I couldn’t look at him for fear that he was going to end our relationship. I was too worried that he now thought differently about me. I felt vulnerable and like my wounds were raw and open again.

  He didn’t touch me, but his voice was strong and firm when he spoke. “Kasi, look at me.”

  Slowly, very slowly, I dragged my gaze up to meet his. My lip started to tremble even though I was yelling at myself internally not to cry again.

  “We are fine, baby,” he said. “Please stop crying. I just needed time to think and process everything you told me. I’m sorry you went through that back then. I’m sorry that Erin is being the world’s biggest bitch and threatening to go public with something very private and heartbreaking for you. We will figure it out.”

  He reached out and pulled me to him. Bringing my arms around his back to grip him tight, I buried my face in his chest. A few tears slid down my cheeks. I was grateful that was all that broke free. He rubbed my back and told me it was going to be all right. I wished I could believe him. I didn’t think it was going to be all right. In fact, I had a horrible, heavy feeling in my stomach like I was waiting for my world to come crashing down around me.

  Pulling back, he used his thumbs to brush the tears from my face and put his arm across my shoulders to walk us to his truck. Once he helped me inside, I took a deep breath. We were okay, he was still with me and said we would figure it out. I needed to keep repeating his words in my head to calm myself down.

  I was worried about everything. I didn’t want that information coming out, but there was a tiny part of me that wondered if it was for the best if it did go public. Maybe I would feel like a weight had been lifted, but the sadness would overtake me again. On the other hand, people would either pity me or label me as a whore for sleeping with two men at once. I wasn’t a whore and never saw anything wrong with having more than one partner, but the public view was different. Not everyone had an open mind.

  We drove to Radek’s apartment and I waited in the truck while he went inside. He came out with a small duffle bag. Throwing it in the back seat, he hopped back inside and said, “I checked my messages while I was in the apartment. I have another job in three days. I’m going to stay with you until I have to leave.”

  I nodded. “Can we get Ace tomorrow? I want it just to be us tonight.”

  “Sure, whatever you want.”

  He put the truck in gear and we started our drive back to my house. I texted Aubrey, my friend whom I was in business with, and asked if she could keep Ace one more night. Ace was my German Shepherd that was being boarded at the business I had with her, K&A K-9. She texted back quickly and said that was fine.

  Pulling up to my gated driveway, we went through and started up the winding hill. I took in my surroundings and noticed the leaves had all turned colors and were falling. October was one of my favorite months of the year. The air turned cooler and the leaves turned gorgeous shades of red and orange.

  Once we reached the house, we took our bags out of Radek’s jacked-up, black Ford F-250 and went inside. My housekeeper had been there while I was away. I loved coming back to a clean home. Not that it really got dirty while no one was there, but it could get dusty.

  Dropping my bag at the base of the stairs, I went to the kitchen and dug out a bottle of tequila. One shot, I needed one or maybe ten, to he
lp calm my nerves. I found a shot glass and poured the golden liquid into it. Deciding to forgo the lime wedge and salt, I threw the shot back and felt it burn all the way down my throat.

  Placing the glass back on the counter, I looked over to see Radek staring at me with a quirked eyebrow. “Feeling better?” he asked.

  “Nope, but I hope to soon.” I downed two more shots quickly. That should help.

  “I have an idea that will help you.”

  He stalked toward me, heat building in his eyes. I craved the connection my pilot and I had when we made love. I needed it like my next breath.

  His hands went to my hips and he lifted me gently to sit me on the center island. I could feel the coolness of the quartz countertop under me. His eyes were level with mine as he stepped between my legs, pushing my thighs apart to make room for him. I wanted to talk to him, but I craved his touch more.

  He leaned his head toward me. Closing my eyes, I parted my lips waiting for his to meet mine only they didn’t. Instead I felt them on my neck, feathering kisses along my skin. He lifted my shirt off and discarded my lacy bra. When I felt his tongue flick my sensitive nipple I moaned loudly. My fingers threaded into his hair and I lightly dragged my nails over his skin.

  His mouth left my breast and the next thing I knew I felt a wet finger brush over my lips. I licked them on instinct and could taste tequila. Doing it one more time, he didn’t give me the chance to lick it off. His tongue glided over my top and bottom lips, removing the liquid from me. My lips remained parted, inviting him into my mouth. He didn’t hesitate. His tongue swept through my mouth in a sensual and loving way.

  The room spun from the lack of food that day combined with the tequila, but I let myself get washed away in his love and touch. He pulled my body close to his so there was no space between us. My ass was on the very edge of the counter and I could feel how hard he was between my legs.

  Reaching down, I undid his belt and slacks. He was still wearing his pilot uniform and damn if that didn’t turn me on even more. I put my hand inside of his black boxer briefs and gripped his dick. Our kiss intensified. We went from slow to urgent in a matter of seconds.

  He was pushing himself in and out of my hand as I began to work him up and down. Strong hands reached around and under me to cup my still clothed ass. My pilot lifted me off of the counter and sat me down on one of the cushioned bar stools along the center island. He undid the button and zipper on my jeans. I lifted my ass up so he could bring them down my legs and completely off of me.

  Sitting back down, Radek gripped my calves and wrapped them around his waist. I leaned back into the chair to give him better access. One of his hands went to my pussy, testing my wetness. He coated his hand with it and rubbed it all over his stiff cock. A shudder went through me while I watched him touch himself.

  He aimed and drove home in one swift movement. The feel of him inside me was something I never tired of. Each time felt like this was where and how we were supposed to be. Our connection sizzled to life on his first thrust.

  I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his neck. He needed to invade all of my senses. I had to taste him, feel him, and smell his light cologne. Cupping my butt again, he lifted me into the air and began to pound into me. My breasts were bouncing, my hair was sticking to the sweat on my forehead, but I didn’t care how I looked. I only cared how I felt. I loved him with every molecule of my being.

  “Kasi, baby, you have to hurry up. I can’t hold back much longer.”

  I was close, but not as close as he was. “Just let go, don’t wait for me,” I said in between breaths. Of course I wanted to get off, but I wanted to satisfy him more.

  At my words, he came. His body tensed and he released inside of me. He stood there for a minute catching his breath. Placing me on the bar stool, he pulled back and gazed into my eyes. I could see a mischievous look in them. “You didn’t come. We can’t have that.”

  My pilot dropped to his knees in front of me and latched his mouth onto my clit. He sucked on me, causing me to cry out. His tongue swirled over my swollen nub, hitting the right spot. Before long I was calling his name and shaking with an intense orgasm.

  He waited until I started to relax before removing his mouth from me. Standing, he kissed me again, causing me to further meld into the chair. My body and mind were relaxed. For the first time all day, I felt good.

  ~ 3 ~

  My time with Radek came and went quickly. He was off on his next job and I was left in my house, thinking over and over again what I was going to do about Erin. I told my pilot that I needed to contact Kai and Lee since the situation involved them as well. It wasn’t only my secret that could be released. The secret was Kai and Lee’s as well.

  Radek didn’t seem happy about it, but I had no choice. They needed to know. I already wasted three days. I only had four to go.

  All I was doing was making a phone call, nothing more. The more time that passed the more my nerves increased. The clock was ticking. I could only hope Erin was bluffing, but in the back of my mind I knew she wasn’t.

  Picking up the phone, I found the name and number in my contact list that I could never forget. Kai’s. He had been an amazing friend most of my life and someone that I missed talking to. Not missed in a boyfriend way, missed in a friend that knew me better than most and always had my back way.

  The phone rang twice before a masculine voice came over the line. “Well if it isn’t my favorite girl.”

  “Hi Kai, long time no talk.”

  “Shit, it’s been months since we last spoke. What are you up to? Still dating Radek?”

  Of course he knew. The entire world knew. “Yes. Things are going good. Well, they were going good. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

  “I don’t like the sound of that. Do I need to kick his ass?”

  Laughing, I said, “No, but there is someone’s ass that you do need to kick.”

  I spent the next few minutes giving Kai a rundown of everything that had taken place. He cursed various times throughout the story, asked me if I was okay, and overall showed a lot of concern. I knew he would though.

  “What do you want me to do, Kasi? Name it and I’ll take care of it.”

  “I don’t know. How do I handle it? I don’t appreciate being blackmailed by this bitch. Even talking about it makes me sick. I feel like I lost the baby just yesterday. Everything has been brought to the front again. I want it to stop.”

  “I know. Let me talk to Lee and try to figure this out. I want to put a stop to this before she releases anything. I never want to see you go through that kind of hurt again.”

  “Me either. I’ve been going over and over in my head how to stop her. It’s not like she’s releasing false information. It’s all true and I don’t know how the fuck she knows.”

  “We need to brainstorm. There has to be a way. I’m not worried about me,” he said. “I’m worried about you. I remember how hard this was on you. I know you don’t want your family to find out. If the information was leaked, I wouldn’t care in all honesty. People seem to expect me to sleep around, even if I don’t. I know Lee wouldn’t care either. You, you are who I need to protect. If you don’t want this out there then I’ll do everything in my power to see it never is.”

  I sniffled as a few stray tears left my eyes. My bond with Kai would never fade. We shared so much in our lives and with the pregnancy. I knew he would do whatever it took to make me happy. It was the kind of guy he was. His friends were like his family and he treated them as such.

  “Kasi, it’s going to be all right. I’ll take care of it. You’re not in this alone. You have Lee and I. How’s Radek taking it?”

  “I’m not sure. We spent the last few days together and while everything seemed normal I could sense something was off. He wasn’t being his usual self. He told me we would figure it out together, but something is definitely wrong.”

  Off was an understatement. He tried to act normal, but failed. When I asked him if we were a
ll right, he insisted we were. I knew he loved me, but I wondered if he was as worried as much as I was. I tried to plaster on a smile and be my normal self. When I was alone, however, that’s when doubt crept in. Could we put a stop to Erin? Did Radek knowing about my pregnancy and my relationship with Kai change things between us? I wished I knew.

  “If he loves you, he’ll stand by you.” I could hear someone calling Kai in the background. “Listen, I have to go, but I’ll be in touch with you tomorrow okay?”

  “Yeah, thank you for being there. I really appreciate it.”

  “Always.”

  I spent the rest of the day lounging around the house, trying to think of a way to stop Erin. I was exhausted from everything and ended up passing out on the couch for the night. I woke in the morning to the buzzing sound of the intercom on my gate. It took me a minute to get my bearings and figure out where I was. I wasn’t used to waking up in my living room. Ace was curled up on the floor in front of me. He jumped up when I stood to go check the cameras along the fence. I wasn’t expecting anyone so I couldn’t think of who it would be. Radek wasn’t due back for a couple of days.

  Looking at the screen that shows different camera angles, I saw a black limo at the gate. The driver had the window rolled down. What the hell?

  “Hello, can I help you?”

  “Yes, Ms. Markson, I have Kai Sabata in the car and he would like to see you.”

  Kai? I didn’t call him with the intent of getting him there. Wait, what if it wasn’t Kai and some kind of trick? “Kai, show yourself.” I heard the limo driver say something and then a loud voice came through.

  “Kasi, you better let me the hell up or I’ll jump this fence.”

  I laughed. It was definitely Kai. “Then get your ass up here already.”

  I pressed the button to allow the gates to open. I also scanned the road and saw no paparazzi. Good. I ran upstairs to run a comb through my hair and brush my teeth. Holy hell, I looked horrible. You know, that just woke up, hair that looks like a rat’s nest, bad breath, wrinkled clothing look. Yeah, I was rocking it. Not that I needed to impress Kai, but I also didn’t want to look like shit and offend him with my breath.