Needing Him Page 4

  I didn’t want to be alone. If I was left by myself I knew what would happen. I would go back down that dark spiral only depression could drag me into. I needed to know I had friends who still cared about me.

  He nodded and sat on the bed, pushing himself so his back rested against the headboard. I moved up and laid my head on him. “Make the pain stop, Kai.”

  “I wish I could. Try and get some sleep. I’ll be right here.”

  He rubbed my back while I cried. My world was shattered. The only man I’d ever had a relationship and been in love with was gone. Over. We were done. I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. Eventually sleep took over and I drifted off into a black nothingness of space.

  ~ 5 ~

  The next time I woke the sun was out. I was disoriented and didn’t know what day it was. Rolling over, I ended up hitting a hard body. Lee was laying sprawled out beside me and snoring. I elbowed him gently causing him to jump up like someone had lit a fire beneath him.

  “What? What’s going on?”

  Chuckling at his behavior I asked, “What are you doing in my bed?”

  He rubbed his eyes then focused on my face. I watched his features soften and could clearly see compassion in his eyes. That’s when I remembered why Lee was in my bed. Radek. He left me and didn’t believe a word I said. That stung. I thought he knew me better than that. Tears started to build in my eyes again.

  Speaking in a gentle tone he said, “Kai is downstairs making us breakfast. He didn’t want you to wake alone. Your bed is so comfortable that I passed right out.” He reached over to brush a tear that had fallen from my cheek. “Don’t cry, Kasi. Tell me what happened. Maybe there is something you’re missing or misunderstood.”

  I told him everything that was said between Radek and I. Every painful detail. By the time I got to the end I was sobbing.

  There was a knock on the door before Kai stepped through. His eyes met mine and he walked with soft steps to the side of my bed. He was wearing dark jeans that were slung low on his hips, a fitted deep olive green henley, and his feet were bare. He took a seat on the bed with us. I knew my face gave everything away. It was tear stained and I was sure puffy, but I didn’t care. Both of those men had seen me at my worst.

  Kai reached out for me. I went right into his arms, put my forehead to his chest, and cried until I couldn’t anymore. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I had nothing left. He sat with me, gently rubbing my back, letting me lean on him for as long as I needed.

  Sitting back, I took a deep breath. The smell of food drifted upstairs and I remembered that Kai had made breakfast. We got up and descended the stairs. I didn’t want to eat. I had no appetite, but Kai went to a lot of trouble so I ate what I could. There wasn’t much food in the house. He made do with what I had. Pancakes and sausage. Breakfast of champions.

  After we ate I found my phone and scrolled to the one number I never wanted to see again. Erin’s. I had zero desire to speak to her so I shot off a quick text.

  Radek and I are through. You win.

  Typing those words were painful.

  I noticed I had no other messages or missed calls. He was really gone. What I wouldn’t give for a second chance. To try and get him to see reason, that nothing had happened. It was a bad set of coincidences that he took the wrong way. I might have begged him to stay before he left, but I was not going to be that girl who called her boyfriend to beg and plead for his return after he broke it off. No.

  I had been strong all of my life. Was I broken inside and felt like I didn’t know how I would go on? Absolutely. Was I going to let him and everyone around me know that? No.

  I thanked Kai for breakfast and went upstairs to shower. I realized it had been two days since I had done so. When I emerged clean and dressed from the bathroom Kai was sitting on my bed. He looked like he could feel my hurt. The way his frown marred his face and his body was slumped slightly, he appeared broken too.

  That’s when his confession reappeared in my mind. He told me he loved me and I didn’t say anything back. Fuck. I wondered if I avoided discussing it would it go away? Nope, but it was worth a shot. I sure as hell wasn’t ready to have a conversation about it with him.

  I walked to him, stopping a few feet away. He stood and brushed a stray piece of hair back from my face. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “No, but at this point what can I do?”

  “Maybe try giving him a few days to cool off and then call him.” I had no doubt that Lee filled Kai in on what happened while I was in the shower and I was glad. He told him so I wouldn’t have to. “He should have never left you, Kasi. Nothing happened.”

  “I know that and you know that, but Radek only saw what he wanted to. I don’t know if a few days will make a difference.”

  Kai nodded and leaned in to give me a hug. I inhaled the scent that was unique to him. In all of the years I knew him he always smelled the same, like Dove soap and rain. It was a scent that comforted me and made me miss my friend.

  He moved closer and rested his head against mine. I soaked in his love and support. It was something I really needed. He then shifted slightly and I could feel him getting hard against my stomach. My eyes bugged and I took a step back. He rubbed the back of his neck as his face turned a bright shade of red.

  “Sorry about that. It seems parts of me remember what it feels like to have you near.”

  “Yeah well, keep that part to yourself,” I said and pointed to his crotch.

  He laughed lightly in his embarrassment. “I’ll do my best ma’am.”

  I rolled my eyes at his attempt to defuse the situation. “Don’t you start with that shit.”

  He knew how much I hated being called ma’am. I always felt like I needed to look around for someone older than me. I was too young for ma’am. It was a huge pet peeve of mine.

  I lightly smacked him on the arm and we went downstairs. Scanning the kitchen and living room, I asked, “Where’s Lee?”

  He nodded to the door. “He’s become best friends with your dog. He made sure he ate and took him out when needed.” Of course he did. He is such a good guy. I’m very lucky to have both of them in my life.

  Opening the front door, I glanced around and found Lee playing catch with Ace in the front yard. Ace was running around like he was having the time of his life. After he retrieved the ball, he went to Lee and got scratched on the head. Such a ham.

  Lee turned and saw us. A huge smile lit his face. “I love this dog! Can I take him on tour with us? He’d be a hell of a guard dog.”

  “No! Who would protect me then?”

  His smile dropped. “Good point.”

  Ace came trotting over to Kai and I, ball in his mouth, wanting me to throw it. I launched it into the yard and watched him happily go after it. The life of a dog. Not a care in the world. Must be nice.

  That day and the following one we lounged around the house doing nothing. We all talked, caught up, kept things light between us. It was nice, however it gave my mind plenty of time to keep wandering back to my pilot. Well, he wasn’t my pilot anymore was he? That thought caused the familiar ache in my chest to increase tenfold. I’d been trying to keep my mind busy, but it was of no use. All thoughts always went back to him.

  The next day came and we were lounging outside on my back deck after an early dinner while Lee and Ace played in the yard again. It was getting dark, but Ace kept on playing. Lee walked over and stood at the bottom of the deck stairs. “Why don’t we get out of here for a bit? Let’s go do something. It will do you good to get out of the house.”

  “Like what?” I responded.

  A wicked smile formed on his face. “It’s a surprise.”

  Lovely. Lee had decided to take us somewhere. For some reason a strip club popped into my head, but I didn’t think that was what he had in mind.

  We went inside so I could throw on some makeup to become presentable, grab my purse, and keys. Walking out to the garage, Kai swiped the keys from me when I was
n’t looking. I rolled my eyes at him. If I was in a better mood I would have fought to get them back, but at the moment didn’t give a shit.

  He started the Jeep and we wound down the driveway, through the front gate. I was relieved that not one photog was outside. Kai knew the area well from visiting me, but I didn’t have a clue where we were going. Obviously Lee talked to him and let him in on the surprise. He drove into town and stopped in front of an indoor mini golf place. Was he serious?

  Putting the Jeep in park, he shut it off. I turned to him. “You do know people will recognize you two right? This might be a little crazy.” Who was I kidding, mini golf was a lot crazy. It was around the time when everyone came out for the night after dinner. Since it was starting to get colder out people flocked to places like that. There we were, about to walk from our nice quiet comfort to what could potentially be mayhem.

  Kai shrugged. “Who cares. We need to have some fun. Besides, in this small town they will recognize you as much as they do us.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. They are rock gods! I hope I didn’t end up hating mini golf by the time we were done. It was actually something I enjoyed.

  We walked inside, stopping at the counter up front to pay for our game and get our equipment. Behind the tall green counter sat a cute brunette who couldn’t have been older than seventeen. She was so engrossed in her phone that she didn’t even lift her head up when we came in. Noticing a bell on the desk, I tapped it. Her head shot straight up at the sound. She was about to say something, but then she must have recognized who was standing before her.

  Eyes glued on Kai, the phone fell from her hand. She stood from her chair, not bothering to pick it up. “Can…can I help you?”

  Kai blasted her with his mega-watt smile and said, “We’d like to play a round. The three of us.”

  That’s when the girl’s head turned slightly to take in Lee and myself. She nodded and handed us a scorecard and pencil before pointing to where the clubs and balls were. Kai went to pay, but the girl wouldn’t let him.

  “This one’s on me. I’m one of your biggest fans. I can’t believe you’re in here. Two guys from one of the biggest and best bands out there are standing in front of me asking to play mini golf. I never thought anything this exciting was going to happen when I took this job. Just wait until I tell my friends. Oh! Can I get a picture with both of you?”

  I was surprised Kai let her talk for as long as she did. I looked over at him and saw he was becoming a little embarrassed. You would think years on a stage would have gotten him used to fans recognizing him, but not Kai. He stayed humble and was still floored people knew who he was.

  Lee spoke up, “Sure. Do you have someone that can take it?”

  She bent to pick up her phone, stuck it out to me, and asked if I could do it. Sure, what the hell. I was just happy I wasn’t in it. Of course standing next to those two, I was no one. It made me smile. “Say 'rock star!'”

  Kai’s smile faltered for a second at my choice of words, but then was sure to put on his best panty melting smile as I took the pic. The girl was bouncing up and down when I handed the phone back to her. She thanked them and we went off to play our game.

  Every time I looked around I saw teenage girls and guys pointing their phones at us taking pictures. It felt like each time we went to a new hole someone else was walking up to the guys asking for a picture or their autograph.

  I did have fun though. Lee was awful at mini golf. Just fucking awful. At one point he hit the ball too hard and it hopped over where we were and stopped near the hole on the next course. Kai and I were rolling in laughter. It almost went in too.

  Even with all of the fun, I missed Radek. Kai would place his hand on the small of my back or drape an arm over my shoulders, but it didn’t feel right. He wasn’t the one who was supposed to be doing that. I did step away from him at one point, but played it off like I was tying my shoe. Hurting Kai’s feelings was nothing I ever wanted to do, but I couldn’t let him see me as more than friends. We needed to talk sooner rather than later.

  My heart was still held by someone else. Someone whose soul was meant for mine. I wondered where he was in that moment and if he was thinking of me. Was he as heartbroken as I was? I wanted him to miss me, to come running back, but I didn’t feel like that was ever going to happen.

  ~ 6 ~

  When we got home later that evening I noticed I had a missed call from Kara, my publicist. I called her back since I knew the longer I put her off the worse it would be. She picked up on the second ring.

  “Is there something you want to tell me?” she asked.

  “Not particularly.”

  “Well, you need to, because I saw pictures on the internet of you with Kai and Lee while Radek is out in California having dinner with Erin Daltin.”

  Oh my God. Radek was with Erin? I felt sick. Instantly sick to my stomach. Why would he be out there with her? He seemed to hate her as much as I did. “Kara, I don’t know what Radek’s doing, but we split up. I don’t want to go into details, but we are done.”

  Her tone softened. “Oh Kasi, I’m so sorry. I hate to ask this, but what would you like to do about the inquiries I’m getting?”

  What was I supposed to say? If we didn’t comment it would only fuel the speculation, but once those words were out there for everyone to hear and read, it would cement the fact that it was truly over. I closed my eyes, fighting the emotion rolling through me. “Tell them that we split. Make it simple and say that Kai, Lee and I are friends and nothing more. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m dating one of them. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  “I’ll take care of it. I’m here if you need me. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  We hung up and I strode into the living room to find the guys. Their legs were propped up on the coffee table and both bodies were molded into the couch like it was meant for them. The television was on and laughter filled the room. Their eyes swung to me when I entered. Their sounds of happiness fell. Kai stood immediately and came to my side.

  “What happened?”

  My bottom lip began to tremble. “Radek is in Cali with Erin.”

  “What? That doesn’t make any sense. Why would he be with her?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  “Maybe it’s not what you think. He could have run into her out there and decided to catch-up.”

  “Catch-up with the bitch that was blackmailing me? I don’t think so. Of course, now that I’m out of the picture what’s to talk to her about? They slept together in the past. He could have sought her out to do it again.”

  “You know him best. Does that sound like something he would do?”

  “If you would have asked me that question a week ago I would have said no way, but now, who the hell knows.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Tattooed arms engulfed me in a hug. I really didn’t want to cry anymore, but it seemed every time I was hugged the tears started flowing. Pulling back, I looked down at Kai’s arms and noticed a part of his tattoo sleeve that I never had before. Blended in with the rest of his artwork was a date. To be more specific, the date I had lost the baby. My hand flew to my mouth and I let out a muffled sob.

  His finger went under my chin, lifting my head to look into my eyes. “I told you that you weren’t alone. Lee and I were both upset when you lost the baby. We will never forget.”

  Nodding, I leaned back into him. With all that I went through losing the baby, Kai and Lee gave me strength and support. They never showed an ounce of pain. I knew then they did that for me. They didn’t want to appear upset, because it would have only made me worse. Kai knew me so well.

  The guys would be leaving soon and I would be alone again. I wasn’t looking forward to it and was actually afraid. Dwelling on that fact wouldn’t do anything for me though. I needed to enjoy what little time I had left with my friends.

  I told them how pictures of the three
of us were all over the internet and people had already jumped to the conclusion that Radek and I had split when they saw the pics of him with Erin. I was back to looking like a whore bouncing from guy to guy. The media was an ever present thorn in my fucking side.

  Time flew by and it was my last night with the guys. Lee had gone to the grocery store causing quite a crowd. He said there was media outside of my gate and the store had been full of screaming girls. Not ones that had followed him or knew he’d be there. Ones that were shopping with their families and couldn’t believe he was walking around the store buying stuff like a regular guy. He was only there to buy a few items, but had been gone two hours.

  He made dinner for the three of us, then we all went to the living room to watch a movie. The movie was almost over when I heard light snoring coming from the end of the couch. Even with his mohawk, Lee looked like a gentle giant. I watched his chest rise and fall with each breath. Lips parted, eyes fluttering, I was really going to miss him.

  The movie ended and I shut the television off. Kai stood, reaching for my hand. I gladly accepted. Ace took the opportunity to jump onto the couch and curl up beside Lee. Traitor.

  Walking upstairs, I tried to let go of Kai’s hand, but he wouldn’t let me. He kept my hand in a tight grip. When we stopped at my door he asked if he could come in. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  “Just to talk, nothing more. All I want to do is talk.”

  I nodded and we went inside. There wasn’t seating in my bedroom, only the bed. Telling Kai to have a seat there, I walked to the master bath with a pair of leggings and a t-shirt. If I was going to sit on my bed I wanted to be comfortable.

  Slipping the soft pink, cotton shirt over my head and black leggings up over my butt, I brushed my hair and teeth. I planned on passing out as soon as Kai left for bed.

  When I emerged from the bathroom I saw him relaxing on my bed. He was doing something on his phone, but the second he heard me he put it down. Laying back, head on one of my pillows, he was every girl's dream, except mine. Instead, he was one of my closest friends and someone I would go to the end of the earth for.