Where I Am Read online

  As I drive, thoughts of Parker assail me from every angle. How he looked when I saw him today. How his eyes held mine. How he told me he still loved me and looked just as upset as I was. I shake my head. No. I will not allow him in again.

  Five

  Parker

  Why did I say that? Why did I tell her I still loved her? What the fuck was I thinking?

  This isn't me. I'm not the guy who stands in a parking lot and tells someone that I love them. It was a shitty thing to do. I see that now. But I was desperate and only thinking with my heart. I needed her to hear me. She didn't. She made up her mind about me a long time ago, and no matter what I say, it won't do any good.

  Eve gently rubs my back as I sit with my head in my hands in the passenger seat. "I'm sorry, Parker."

  "Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong. This is my fault. If only I would have called her that day before she came over, maybe I could have avoided all of this."

  "I know what you said, but I have to ask, did you cheat on her?"

  My head snaps up. "No, absolutely not."

  "Then why was she adamant you did?"

  "It's not my story to tell."

  "Whatever happened, if you love her, you need to talk to her."

  "I've tried to tell her what really happened repeatedly, but she won't let me. It was all a misunderstanding. I don't know what else to do."

  "Does Brenda know how you feel about Astoria?"

  "Yes, why?"

  "I figured she'd be upset."

  That causes me to smile. "I've told you before, Eve. There is nothing between B and me. You can ask her, and she'll tell you the same."

  "You two are just so close. I figured at some point you'd have dated."

  "Nope. She's my best friend—like you and Cy. I don't have feelings for either of you."

  She chuckles. "I don't know how. Cy is super sexy."

  I playfully shove her shoulder, loving how she can help snap me out of this horrible mood. "Let's get the hell out of here."

  She starts my SUV and gives me a wicked gleam. "You're letting me drive. You never let me drive your Rover."

  "There's a reason for that. I've seen how you drive."

  "Shut up! I'm an amazing driver." I laugh as Eve exits the parking lot.

  Thank God she's with me. If not, I'm not sure what would have happened after Tora left. I probably would have followed her and begged her to listen. Not the worst idea I've ever had. Not the best either.

  How am I going to get her to listen? She has her mind made up about what happened. I get it. I really do, but seeing her again has made me realize how much I miss her and how deeply my love runs for her.

  Me blurting out that I love her was a desperate attempt to get her to stop yelling and let me explain, finally. Only it didn't work. Those tears were my undoing. I hate seeing women cry, but with Tora, it's as if I can feel her pain. Maybe it's not her pain I'm feeling but my own. She wasn't the only one who lost the love of their life that day. We'd always been on the same page as far as our relationship and feelings went. When she left, I wanted to hit something hard. I wanted to take my anger out on something or someone, but I couldn't. Blair needed me. She kept me moving, kept me from slipping into a rage or sinking into a deep depression. Sure, I was depressed, but it could have gotten much worse. I had to care for Blair. Doing so kept my mind on her and not the sheer hell I was living through without Tora.

  ****

  "That bitch did what?" Cy bellows when we get home as Eve gives a play-by-play of what happened. Sure, she missed part of it since she was getting our coffee, but she got the gist.

  "She's not a bitch, Cy. She was really upset. They both were. I wish she would have given you a chance to talk to her about it," Eve states to me.

  "I told her I couldn't explain while we were in the parking lot," I mumble from the couch.

  Cy stomps over and drops down beside me. "If you said you didn't cheat on her, then I believe you."

  "I'm glad someone does." I rub the spot in the center of my chest, wishing like hell the pain would ease.

  "Hey!" Eve yells from the kitchen. "You know I believe you.”

  "Can we not talk about this anymore?" I plead. Every word only amplifies the pain.

  Cy stands and moves to the kitchen counter. He grabs his keys then walks to the door.

  "Where the hell are you going?" Eve asks.

  "To Tori's house. Someone needs to get through to her."

  Eve chases after him. "You can't show up there and force her to listen to you, especially since you don’t know the whole story. You also don't have the most calming presence. You're going to go over there and scare the fuck out of her. Sit your ass down."

  "What am I supposed to do? I can't watch him like this. He's a happy guy and this bitch is making him miserable."

  "You both know I'm sitting here, right?" I inquire. "Like in the same room, listening to everything you say."

  "Hush," Eve tells me and turns back to Cy. "This is Parker's battle, not yours. I get you want to fight for your friend and see him happy, but going to her house is not the way to do it."

  Cy fists his keys and launches them across the room. They fly over the dining table, hitting the wall and clatter to the ground.

  "Are you done?" Eve asks.

  "You're lucky I love you," he grumbles.

  ****

  The next day I run out to the grocery store since I'm running low on, well, everything. I have mixed feelings as to whether or not I want to see Tora again. On the one hand, I love having her so close. The sprinkle of freckles across her nose seem more pronounced than before. Maybe they aren’t, and I just don't remember her like I thought I did. In any case, they are about the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I remember how I used to kiss them softly.

  I round the corner into the bread aisle and there she is. Immediately, I stop. My breath is taken away by her denim shorts, which land just below her ass, showing off her sexy as hell legs. She's filled out a little since we broke up and in the best way. She's curvier now. Still slender but her breasts are bigger. They are showcased nicely in her pale yellow tank top. Her hips have a gorgeous flare. I didn't notice it yesterday. I was fixated on talking to her and clearing up the misunderstanding. But now…now I notice all of her. Fuck, she's stunning.

  "Excuse me," someone says from behind me. Tora's head turns in my direction and our eyes lock. She doesn't spare me a second glance before she's back to talking to the person beside her, as the woman whose way I'm blocking shoulders past me.

  Hold on. Is that Finn Bradley Tora's talking to? Motherfucker, it is.

  Finn was friends with Cy and me in high school. He was part of our broad circle of friends. While Cy was trying to get his shit together, and realize he was in love with Eve, Finn went on a date with her. It ended with her picking Cy, obviously. Finn treated Eve well when they went out. He’s a good guy, or he was until I saw him talking to Tora.

  I snap out of my haze and walk until I'm standing beside her. She glances over at me and takes a step to her right to put some distance between us.

  "Finn," I greet, anger lacing my tone. I can't help it. He's talking to my girl. She may not think she's mine any longer, but she is and always has been. "I see you've met Tora."

  His brown hair is combed back; his face cleanly shaven. Any other time I’d have greeted him kindly and asked how he was. Not today. He needs to get the fuck away from Tora.

  He cocks his head to the side. "I met Astoria," he replies, nodding toward her.

  "We're going out tonight," she adds.

  I swing my head in her direction and blaze her with a glare. "The fuck you are."

  "You have no place to say who I will or will not date, Parker."

  Somehow, I refrain from commenting back and instead focus on Finn. "Got a thing for the bread aisle, Bradley?" He looks perplexed. "Last I remember, this is where you met Eve. Can't stay away from our women, can ya?" He first talked to Eve in this very spot and asked her out.
What the fuck is it about this grocery store?

  The dark green shirt he's wearing is tucked into a pair of khaki shorts. We all always dressed the same: Cy, Finn, me, and others in our group. Always on the preppy side. Right now, though, his neatness is getting on my last nerve. Probably because I'm a mess. I look down at myself and realize I'm wearing a pair of black, mesh basketball shorts and a grey t-shirt. So sexy. I hope I put deodorant on before I left the house. Tora must be doing all she can to hold herself back from jumping me right next to the whole wheat bagels.

  Finn pushes his hands into his pockets and rocks back on his heels. Tora doesn't miss a beat. "I'm not your woman, Parker.” Fire blazes in her eyes. She steps forward toward Finn, but I grip her elbow to keep her by my side. She shakes me off. "You and me, we're not together and haven't been for four years. You have no claim on me. Now, if you don't mind, I have to make plans with Finn tonight."

  "Oh, I mind, sweetheart."

  "I'm not your sweetheart,” she all but growls.

  Finn clears his throat. "I don't want to get in the middle of anything, but as the lady has said, she's not with you. She's free to date whomever she wants."

  "You know what?" I start. "When Cy told me how you went out with Eve, I thought it was his fault for not telling her how he felt. That's why she went out with you. But now, I don't know. You see, I've told Tora I still love her. You wouldn't have known that before this conversation so I'm enlightening you." I take another step forward. "I've loved her for four years. We might have been apart, but I never stopped thinking about her. So you need to back the fuck off."

  "Are you insane?" she yells. "You cheated on me, Parker! Never stopped thinking about me, my ass."

  I turn back to her. "If you'd listen to me, you'd know the truth." She's about to say something else, but another person joins our little party in aisle ten.

  "Parker, Finn," Jim greets. He's dressed in uniform. Must be on lunch. He's one of our local cops, who also happened to go to high school with Finn and me.

  "How's it going, Jim?" I reply.

  "Well," he says, rubbing the scruff on his chin. "I heard you a few aisles over. Came to remind you where you are and how half the town now knows your business."

  "I don't care who knows. The only one who really needs to hear me is her.” I point to Tora.

  Jim extends his hand. "I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting. I'm Jim. I went to school with these two. I don't remember you, however."

  Tora hesitantly shakes his hand. "Astoria. I went to a private school. My family lives in Arrow Falls, though."

  "Nice to meet you." He releases her hand and faces Finn and me again. "Can we quiet ourselves down and move on? I think a few of our senior citizens are afraid to buy English muffins for fear a fight will break out."

  I cross my arms. "I'm fine, but I'm not leaving until he does." I nod toward Finn.

  "We all heard your issues. You think Astoria is yours and she's going on a date with him. Seems to me you need to finish your shopping and head home."

  I stiffen. "He's not good enough for her."

  "Don't make me drag your ass out of here. It's the damn grocery store, Parker. Have some common sense. Leave these two alone. I know you well enough. You're not a fighter."

  I grab a loaf of bread from the rack. I actually did need one. "Seems you don't know me at all." I focus on Tora, my eyes holding hers. "I always fight for what I want."

  Six

  Parker

  I slam the door to my cabin when I return.

  "Problem?" Cy asks from the dining table.

  "Three words. Finn Fucking Bradley."

  His hand forms a fist and tightens until his knuckles become white. "What did he do now?" he growls.

  "He was in the grocery store, asking Tora out. The same mother fucking aisle he asked Eve out in."

  Cy pushes the chair back, stands, and grabs his keys off the counter.

  "Where the hell are you going?" I ask. "I'm talking to you."

  "I'm going to track down Mr. Bradley and kick his ass."

  "Cy Revere, you get back here before I kick your ass," Eve shouts from the hallway. She takes quick steps until she reaches us. Her hair is pulled up into a messy bun. She's wearing one of Cy's t-shirts, which is way too big on her, and a pair of boy shorts. "You aren't going anywhere." She points at Cy, then me. "Neither of you."

  "I can't let Finn fuck with Parker's girl," Cy replies.

  "She's not his girl." I shoot daggers at her with my eyes. "Okay, you might think she is, but according to her, she's single and Finn has every right to ask her out."

  "So, what am I supposed to do? Sit here and not do shit while he takes her out and tries to fuck her?"

  “I doubt he’s going to try and fuck her. He didn’t push himself on me.” Cy heads for the door again. “Would you knock it off?” she yells at him. “I married you, not him. Ease up.” Facing me again, she says, "You could show up at Astoria’s door so she sees you when she gets home.”

  "She lives with her parents, who don't like me very much."

  "Okay, scratch that." She stares out the front windows, deep in thought. The sun is high in the sky, heating our small town and making it a sauna. Thank God for central air-conditioning. Even with all the tall trees surrounding my mountain cabin, it still gets hot as hell here in the summer.

  A minute or so passes while we all try to think of a plan. Eve whirls around with a broad smile on her face. "Let's go dancing!"

  Cy groans. "You know I don't like to go clubbing, baby."

  She waves him off. "We aren't going to spend the night on the dance floor. We're going to spy on Finn. I bet he takes Tora to the same club he took me to."

  "You said he brought you to the VIP area," Cy mentions.

  "That's nothing a few bills can't get us into," I state.

  Eve and I both focus our attention on Cy. "Son of a bitch," he grumbles.

  "You don't have to come with us," Eve states.

  "No way in hell are you going without me. I don't want some sweaty guy grinding his dick on your ass."

  She clasps her hands together and smiles again. "Then it's settled. Rest up, boys. Tonight, we're heading to the city!" I can only laugh at the way she manipulated Cy. She knows what buttons to push to get him to do what she wants. She doesn't do it often, but when she does, it works magnificently.

  Eve gives Cy a quick kiss before heading back up the hallway. He smacks her ass. "Don't think I don't know what you just did."

  She turns her head to glance over her shoulder at him and winks. Once again, I’m thinking how happy I am to have these two in my life.

  ****

  Minutes feel like hours as they tick by. I pace, eat, try to work on some new software I’m developing, but it's of no use. No matter what I do, I can't get Tora out of my head, or all the possible things she could do with Finn if we don't intervene tonight.

  Checking the clock for the hundredth time, I can finally get ready and leave. Black slacks and a deep blue button-down shirt will work for tonight. This is an upscale club. There will be women with tight dresses and lots of dancing, but the ones going to this club tend to be on the more conservative side dress wise. They wear slacks or khakis. Dresses that don't let their breasts show. That doesn't mean there isn't dirty grinding on the floor. And there is the occasional slutty woman, but they are always on the arm of a very wealthy man.

  In the living room, I find Cy in khaki pants and a white button down. When Eve enters, he freezes on the spot and his jaw drops. The love that man has for her is obvious to anyone nearby.

  Eve is wearing a black dress. It's lace but beneath it is a solid, silky fabric as not to reveal anything. It falls just above her knees and has a V-neck top with long, lacy sleeves. Her matching heels put her a little closer to Cy's height.

  He wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her close. "Don't leave my side tonight, baby. I don't want anyone's hands on you."

  She pats his chest. "Don't worry. I
only have eyes for you."

  "If you two are finished..." I interrupt. "Finn could be putting the moves on my girl as we speak."

  "We're coming," Eve says and offers me a smile. "Don't worry. Finn has nothing on you."

  "Except for a stable job, with plenty of room to move up, and a sexy car." He owns half of a trendy restaurant in the city near the club. Hell, he could own more than that for all I know. And he drives a Mercedes coupe.

  She puts her hands on her hips. "Are you serious right now? You’re wealthier than him. You might not work a traditional nine-to-five job, but the last deal you made brought in what, two million dollars? And the one before that was ten million. You're a catch, Parker."

  I can't help but feel like I don't measure up to Finn, no matter how much money I have. I'd never voice that to Eve or Cy, though. I try to keep my insecurities to myself. Plus, Finn has something going for him that I definitely don't. He's never broken Tora's heart.

  I don't respond to Eve. No matter what I counter with, she'll find the good. It's how she is. Optimistic and kindhearted. She's one of the best people I know.

  We take my Rover into the city and find a place to park. When we reach the very unassuming awning, I take in the line which wraps around the building. There is nothing about this place that screams exclusive club, yet I know it to be true, and Eve remembers it from when Finn brought her here. I hope he brings Tora on the same kind of date he took Eve on. Then they’ll definitely be inside.

  We skip the line and walk right up to the bouncer guarding the door. "Holy fuck, if it isn't Parker Maxfield," the bouncer says.

  "Vaughn.” I smile and shake his hand. He's a big guy who looks like he belongs on a football field. "It's been a long time. What are you doing manning a door? Last time I saw you, you were working for my father."

  "Still am. This is a little something on the side to keep things interesting. The money is a plus, but it's the atmosphere and sexy women I'm all about." You'd never know by his appearance that he's a lawyer by day, working at my dad’s firm.

  I laugh and pull out some money to cover our fee to enter the club. He waves me off. "Your money is no good here."